2009 Manifesto

New year, new gig
Think big, get it right
This time keep it tight
On my own, but not alone
Find a throne
Crowning achievements
Sceptical on bereavements
They'll come, hope not
But what chance have I got?
Slim to nil
Need a thrill and no spills
Get wheels and impress
Find someone else in a dress
To caress and bless
Put the old ghosts to bed
2008 better not said
A time of stagnation
Futility and poor relations
Frustrations and stuff
Rough seas hopefully behind
New bright oceans to find
Golden beaches and birds
New songs to be heard
Melodies to tac and chart
Probably needs to rhyme with heart
Don't upset the apple cart?
Starting to ramble
This year i'll take a gamble
And go for glory
Aim for the line
Finish fine and improve my story.

***

 

New

The wilderness has washed me clean
She's taken me to her heart
She's burnt the guilt and hate away
And lifted me beyond that void

From the sands I walk again
Alive for the first time in years
No more questions, no more tears
A better me and a better time

Epiphanies bring me to a new place
Understanding pain and consequence
Science, God and Art make sense
This time I draw my own card

No more drama, no more toil
I am the life in the ground
I am the air that I breathe
And I will not be stopped this time

You only really start to live
When you realise that you're alive
And you only start to see
When you realise that you're not blind

I've realised and I'm ready
For whatever's thrown at me
And in the light of my new dawn
I see the truth, and I live my life

***

 

Scare/Dare

Do something that terrifies you
Do it!
Drink the bleach under the sink
Fire a nail gun into your foot
Lick the power socket
Do it now!
Bring yourself to a new place
Fuck it!
Chug, chug, fire, fire, lick, lick
Ass rape that hooker with the aids
Why the fuck not?
Brave the brave new world
Enter the darkness swinging
Bring the people to their knees
Agitate, aggravate, exasperate
Stamp insane on your hand
And run naked into the bank
With a handgun
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em cry
Be the star of the show
And pick up the big check
Have the guts
And dare to fail
Dare to die
And you might just live a little.

***

The Fallen

I call upon the ice to deliver me

To bring me to the angels

Drag me from this mortal twist

And resurrect this light in me

Bring me back my wings of fire

Bring me back my sword of gold

Fill me with the vengeance

Give me back my power

Take me to the light and bless me

Heal the wounds in me

Seal the cracks in my halo

And let me ride again into the skies

This world has nothing that I want

There are no ropes to bind me to it

Give me back my power

And let me tear it all down 

*** 

Wants 

Wishes he could shut up the questions

That crawl and scream across his thoughts

Leading him to indecision and procrastination

And all the lonesome nights they bring

Wishes she had someone to hold onto

As the rain collapses on her night time windows

To wipe away her tears and whisper away

And give her back her hope in life

Wishes he had done it all differently

And played the game the way they all seem to do

With that wonderful girl by his side

But he just has another cup of tea

Wishes she could talk to him all of the time

And tell him that it will all be alright

Feel his hot breath in her cold ear

But she just goes off to work again

Wishes he could pluck up that courage

Wishes she could take that leap of faith

Wishes he could make it all go far away

Wishes she could bring it back to him

***

For Mel 

Fair flower in the morning rays

Golden gossamer and shimmering blues

Caressed by softened winds

On this spring morning I think of you

Beauty warming in the glowing sun

Full of humour, full of grace

From root to crown and all between

With an elegant wonder on your face

And the storms that tear your petals

And the gusts that bow your stem

In every storm, in every gale

Remember that you have a friend

Fear not the predators of dusk

Nor the days nor months nor years

For when you cry as darkness comes

Remember I am always here

To fight any foe that stands to you

Or any torment that might show

As long as you are there in peril

I shall never part or go

So flourish in your earthly house

And give no thought to pain and fright

For I shall be a shield for you

Until your days in angelic flight

Until the day you get your wings

As I know that you will do

I am your friend, and you are mine

And I am forever here for you.

***

My Jazz 

Looking up at my own paper moon

Think a thousand futures too

And all so out of focus

A sea full of questions that I don't have the answers to

Marks on my pages that hover and shift

Redefinition rather than resolutions 

Unclear like quartz

Dusty behind all the diamonds

And stuck on the shelf

Had the world on a string

But this unstoppable force sat on the scissors

Mind grows heavier

As the body improves and the lifeforce hardens

Still so young, so fresh

Prime, prim, proper and prepared

Yet the age grows in my eyes

And I feel old and out of date

Could sit right down and write myself a letter

But I'm likely to lose the address

Still can't decide on the me that I am

The neurotic narcissist 

The father, the thief, the hero or the promise

The lover, the lunatic, the new wave or the old hand

Maybe I can be it all

And live every day

As the real me, provided I can find him

*** 

Little

The milk has gone bad

As it swims around my coco pops

And the orange juice is none too fresh

But despite it all

Today will be a good day

Don't know how

No reason why

Simply a silly little feeling

I should have more of those

*** 

Close

Caught a glimpse of you at the station

Long time no hate

More time without love

Or whatever it was I was feeling

You seemed to know better than me

Funny feelings anyway

Miss you occasionally

Mostly the long letters and closeness

Other days I'm actually happy that you're gone

Gives me freedom

A sense of my own grim reality

Chances to have some fun

Don't know if you still read this

Don't know if you went back to him

(You blatantly did, but I have no proof)

But if you do

Give me a shout some time

We'll catch up and stuff

*** 

ALONE

I don't like being alone anymore

Don't like my voice being the only one I hear

Can't take my smell

Sick of seeing myself in the morning

All bad hair and sleepy eyes

Losing faith in love

With each lonely sunrise

Hard to keep fighting sometimes.

A million wishes in the darkness

Money, women, friends, chances

Shallow truths over the orange juice

Not enough strength left to keep hating

I'd rather be someone else

Or at least be interesting again

I need a hug

But there aren't many open arms these days

***

The Lament of Odysseus

The soft sand through my fingers

As the sun fades over seas

I look upon the calming tides

As I crouch upon my knees

And look to the world that threw me here

To Misery's lonely isle

While far away my love resides

My life fading like her smile

I've travelled far in my years gone

From Trojan fields to the land of shade

And though my sails broke and fell

My dreams refuse to fade

For somewhere in that distant world

Of happiness and dreams come true

Is the girl who stole my heart and eyes

And this is, my love, for you

Great monsters may have struck me

The Gods themselves do hold me back

I've walked the soil of the underworld

Seen golden dawns and nights of black

I've fought in bloody battles' heat

And set sail about the turning earth

But despite all of these nightmares born

To you alone do I give worth

I do not seek a fleece of fortune

Nor do I cry for honour's song

I only want your warm embrace

For you make me bold, you make me strong

So let Titans bare their hell on me

Let Poseidon crack the globe with hate

I shall fight them all for you, my love

Though I cannot stand this long, cold wait

But for the moment I sit here

Calypso's sand, so cold and coarse

My unwanted legend around my neck

That stupid war, and that wretched horse

I'm far away from you my love

But should the winds convey this song

Know that I shall come to you

For it is you for whom I long

Though as dusk dyes another sky

My tears fall to this golden beach

Each one of these is my libation

To an Elysium I'm still to reach

The happy home and fabled son

And the wife to whom I pledge my soul

But as it is, these shores a prison

For the king who cannot feel whole

Odysseus they will remember

For his wit, his mind, his sword

Songs about his cunning tricks

Will be sung to sacred chords

But I am him, and I do not care

Such words to me mean nil

All I want is fair Penelope

So much so it makes me ill

I shall fight on, and fly from here

Though cruel time has stole my youth

For any King without his Queen

Is such a vile and bitter truth

And I'd trade every legend told

About my deeds and pain

To reach fair Ithaca's gloried shores

And hold her in my arms again

***

A Little Bit Of sophy.

Where were these words before I wrote them?

Slipping softly through a nothing space?

I have come to understand

So little in so many days

Can't recall ever hearing sunshine

But I'm almost sure I have done though

Now I can hear the water's voice

Because the fish have told me so 

***